Cold Silver Moo n

Saying goodbye to you gets harder and harder each time. Did my best to be the encouraging and supportive girlfriend. Been giving but I'm not sure if its appreciated.

can you tell its been hard for me too? can you tell it hurts when you get selfish with your praise, compliments and love but point out my flaws and criticise me?

Why do you get angry, angrier than me when it was my place to be angry? why do you adjust our agreement to suit your fancy when you like it..? why am I so bothered by it. 

How did you get here under my skin? Here we go, go go go again... 

Am back

"It's 12 o'clock and I need your attention.
It's like the alcohol making my head spin,
It's a long drive back to Vegas Skies.."

I should not have to chase friendships. I should not have to chase after it.
Life is fleeting, 

I would like to explore this earth before it turns dark.  

ok, that's allll.

Life. Wild. Vegas.

purpose? Keep looking.

Time for a check-in.

Hi. Am back.

Figured doing some reflections, having a pit-stop break, a sanity check would be good.

I'm about to reach 1 year at work in 1 month.  Not sure how to feel about it.  It's in my area of interest, so why I am so tired from work. Tired from feeling like there are people thinking deeper and better? Tired from feeling like I could be a better human being? How do I get rid of this feeling.

Why do I feel like something bigger than my present self, is waiting to come out? I would like to be mindful to live selflessly, to be cognizant of what actually matters than just 'me, Me, and ME''.  Would like to cherish what I have... every conversation, meeting, moment with others. Not feel trapped by this glass ceiling.

Am 26. Past my teenage years, past my early twenties. What should I do so that the future me would thank me for putting in the effort?

Finances, fitness, mental nourishment, care, upgrading..?
Investment in my personal and professional growth..?
Stick to upgrading yourself.. Don't settle. Don't cruise...

At 15, I told myself after 18 I'll give myself a break. At 19 I told myself at 24 I'll give myself a break. At 26.. I ask myself if I am willing to give myself a break. But another part of me is telling me...that I'm at the starting of my career... I should be pushing forward.

Get better. Grow through the pains.  Gain some technical skills. The knowledge would be yours to own.

Oh, did I mention how uninspired I feel..? They say to be intentional about the people you surround yourself with.  Sure some inspires, some discourage, some leaves me feeling like what happened was meaningless. Zilch. I do what I can to see the better side though.. Really. Where's the balance..?

Some people give you unspoken confidence when being around them. Some are such lights in the world, give others bravery. Maybe that's why my best friend then is still regarded as my best friend now. If I don't have her, maybe I could have 1% of her light. Ironically, she sees the best of me and thinks the world of me. She's beautiful. Ok, besides that..

Recently, tattoos inspire me. Maybe just need to do something more, to feel and appreciate all that we can in this life. Would not like to go through life feeling like there were so many other aspects that I've not explored. More spontaneous, unbridled fun? Balanced with maturity and thoughtfulness, definitely.

Would like to look back and have felt like I've experienced, appreciated and savored life's moments.So...would need to be mindful of how I'm living it, relationships and friendships I'm maintaining and growing.

I wish I wouldn't forget that person in me who felt a sense of purpose bigger than herself.  Perhaps, to find my first love, to have it become clear to me how real He is again. Could my sense my purpose be found without Him? Some people get to stay in that perfect love..

I wish interactions did not have to be so deliberate, I wish when I could speak freely. Not think overtly of the consequences of what I'm saying. Miss when interactions were not dissected and analysed. Is it the gov. sector, working world, this phase of life?

I would like to build up my command of english so I become more confident in the things I say/do.
I would like to not take business like a badge of honour of productivity, usefulness, importance.
I would like to grasp the tempo of life, to feel on top of the tasks I am given.
I would like to be known as someone who is recognised to do up and hand over quality work, a competent good worker. perhaps.. leader someday.?
I would like to not spend the days mindlessly.  I would like to get rid of any OCDs I have once and for all.
I would like to be look back and be proud of who I am, what I'm becoming. I don't wna hide away.
I would like to build up mental toughness, to perceive things objectively (good, bad fair ugly?)
I would like to be patient, progress takes time.  Challenges help us grow. Stay focused.
When I've gotten something far from perfect, I would like to find it within me to take it fine and get better, elevate myself from there. Surely, it would all come to fruition.

Don't hide. away. embrace yourself fully. the good and bad.

Prettiness, smarts and personality. Don't yearn to be the prettiest, don't count on being the smartest, instead have personality take the spotlight. You are literally everything you have.

Ok, nts to come back to this space soon. Till then, thankful for another day and the next.


As long as we live, time passes by...
Wildflowers can't be controlled.. 
nothing worth having comes easy.
Touched by time, proud to be rough around the edges with a story to tell?
What's my dreams? What's yours...?

Angel Duties.

So I know I have many flaws. But you shouting at me only makes me feel worst about myself each time. If u peeked into my mind, you would see that I am my worst critic. I am doing what I can to be nicer to myself.  Can you understand? Wouldn’t you help me love myself a bit more. 

Then again. Don’t really know if that’s best for me. 

Street

Hey. I am back. Not sure if it is because I want to. But I need to. I have so much in me, just needing to pour out. weekends are a drag. maybe because I have no company. And humans are social creatures, from what I understand. So, we need people.

I have so much so much to say. Where do I start?

Never thought I feel trapped. feel like the only way out is....
sometimes this life seems too short. and sometimes it seems too long.
we are all just looking to get by. I wish...
I feel fulfilled in all aspects of my life.

I miss childhood, miss teenage life, at least.... they were free-er. 
I am tired of putting up a facade of my life. I a tired of showing that I am just as smart. 
I wish being me, is ok. but..... we all put my facades. don't we.

this is not working. How do I get out of this depressed mood?
I am miserable at best. 
I ask myself why I am constantly chasing. I am tired. What am I chasing? I am miserable.
Is anybody there to catch me?

I am.. drowning. Depression clearly don't have a look. How do I get myself of this?
rut. Where do I begin. Should I evaluate friendships made. After evaluation, is there any left for keeping?  

I have been thinking bout what makes me happy.
I thought of a few.

Concerts?
Theme parks?
Nature?

social media is toxic. Why do we impose the highlights of our life on people?
to make them miserable. selfish beings. tapping on others/ their validation to get by.

How many, truly cares for me in this world? Could I open my eyes to see? I don't wna impose on others.

Bowling?
Sports?

Phases of life.

I would like to move on. Help me. 

only with enriching. 
take this load, lord. It is too much to bear.
Pls?

It's time to rest. not to slip away.
I do my best to be myself, and not impersonate. 
so tired of running.

everything is so imperfect. it pains me.
Isn't God's love perfect? then why then do I..... 

life is not a sprint. it is a marathon. 
sustainability is important. 
shooting star that should not be. burn bright and furious and..
Don't go off. just yet. stay there. continue. 

find something to look forward to.
I would like something genuine. 
I am looking at friendships and relationships that breathes life.

help me. help me. send help. no self-help.

Don't slip away, Kris.

Boulevard.

I wish. I was a better person.
Smart. Effortlessly good. Superhuman.
But then again. What is my goal in life?
Is it my career? Or do I just want to take the time now to love my family, cherish my friends, enjoy the moments in life.
Seems like the case. I have chased. Chased the past 10 years. Maybe. I could taste and smell what I have sowed for so far.
Teach me to be kind. Teach me. Fill me. I miss being in the house of God. But how do u love one and blatantly not follow the other?
I wish I speak better. I wish I dared to communicate clearly. I speak in figures of speech and abstract. Because I do not dare to show how my heart really feels. Is it because it is not pretty?
I have been through so much. Let’s take stock.

From being back with Mr C. Spending our times on the books, jogging, movies, holidays.
Getting the letter from NUS that I got in. That moment when I received the notification... it was.
Should be one of the highlights in my life.
Went through my university years, figuring our group work, exchange, modules, tutorials.
Got my internships.
Ended up at HDB now.

Everybody have set the bar so high. How should I continue?
Then again. It’s 1.5 months vs years. Am doing ok.

Took stock. Now back at it. In the realll world.