I'll do better. I know. I could do better.

never felt sound in a while
thanks

wish life was as easy as eat sleep and repeat. eat sleep and repeat
but then. work. studies. the material part of life comes in.
inevitable... to survive.
why not the days.. where there was no need to work,....

how/ ///
stop.
running away from whatever makes you feel threatened
grow through it.
get stronger kris

need to wake up
why kristal
do you falteer
:(

why. is motivation level so low?
why.
do I not seem to care bout the grades I'm going to get
are you going to fall into the cycle of not doing well again??
KRISTALLLLLL.

how to cope
with the mundane//

howowowowowowowowm

planning to live right
not devolve but evolve
planning to be brave strong courageous
KENSHIN

dig deep.

this aint gna kill.

fears overwhelm.
can't tell if. my character is.... good. doubts about my character values and who I am.
am I in reality a likable person.
afraid to be me.
in case, I. or anybody for the matter don't sit well with me.
feeling all ... horrid. shaping myself.]]
would I stop it.
that maybe in actual fact I am not as interesting, w/o character.

:(

what happened.

trying to fit in.

but really. there's no need...

surely, the pain I'm feeling right now would be smaller than ever the pain of feeling like I have  not done it right.

Come on Kris.
start clean start right.
what is your aim.
what do you wna get.
mature, beef up, strengthen, have a bigger capacity to do better things, feel. like you. can.
achieve excellence.
don't settle for mediocrity.

To-do list

tutorial for re 1102
forum participation in SSA
re1105
St1103

_____
Quiz for Re 1101
CA1 for SSA mod
CA1 for stats

Stuck b/w feeling like I've got the time to spare and having no time at all.
Get Crackin Kris.
Zero procrastination would be good.

actually really afraid.
feeling like I havent been putting in enough
please Kristal
Cmon.

I got into the school.I worked for
Right now, I need to focus.
right now,I need to make sure that I grab this chance
but thinking... at the same time.. I'm not earning like i would like to.
and it isnt good.
at age 20 not earning my keep like i should.
just spending my time, wilding it away, not dedicating time to my work,
not even properly and patiently getting my work done.
do i care?
do i.

would i even....
i need to prioritize. taking this too much too far.

focus kris. focus.

one life.
is your goal. there?
come on.

i wish i had support.
i wish  i wish.


Don't rely on past glories.
find. new values. new goals. new benchmarks. improvements.

Blogging is so therapeutic.

Back. But who reads this?

It's really hard for me to be honest with myself these days.
To show people how I really feel. I mask it up with silliness and being really shy/ quiet.
But. That's not who I am.
I get close to people too easily. Too easily that I scare myself.
That's why I put up a barrier. People who don't know me might think Imm this cold/shy person.
But. Deep down. I'd like to think I have much to give.
Much laughter to share with others.

Miss the old me who readily attempts and knows I have the ability to impact in a gd way.
Miss me who was selfless and not self - ish maybe.
Miss me who had people getting em' selves gd time chatting with me and readily chatting with me at that.
Miss me who knew what it meant to saveur life.
Irony is I miss me who lives for me- but miss me who is selfless
Blabbering

Nobody in TK would have associated me with the word shy.
Nobody now would associate me with being friendly.
The change. The inverse reverse total polar opposite.
No longer me cause I build up my walls Barriers and shells
No longer me cause I don't wna get scars.

Yet. If I'm living so timidly.
It isn't living.

No longer mixing with people who make me feel like me.
Imposing my bad feelings on gd friends who stood by me.
Like... They should not be getting that.

Where did my values go to.
My anchor.
Did it all came from The Lord?  Lord? But.
I no longer go to his holy place.
Can I still therefore be impacted?
Abba.

Maybe the best of which is honest living
To trust our gut
To be true to ourself
To have our own mind
Really.

I'll make it out. You'll see.

People

I've come to this conclusion. that. my life is pretty sad right now.
I've got no friends i can count on.
no group of friends i can count on.
nobody to rely on.
nobody to love.
nobody.
\\

time to fade.
fade. away? \

;( need to get a grip of myself.
not thinking straight.
letting fears overwhelm.
Can't life be that tad simpler?
self-reliance is probably the way to go.
balance is the way to go.
Don't stumble Kris. Keep going.

Road to Nowhere.


Can't stop. Won't.

Please make me
Whole.

I need to stop feeling victimized.