Truffle and I.

Alot has happened.

Lived in China. Did not think I would have done that, Did not think I would go back. Hasn't been the most pleasant experience. Think I came back with weird idiosyncrasies cause of the coping mechanisms that came up back there.

Wish I could live freely again. Without all these. Would I ever. break from all these that binds me?

Anyway.

Found a job. a Full-time job. Did not think it possible. that I would/could get a full-time job. Thankful to get it early. So that I do not have to deal with it now.

The only thing now is thesis.

Can I, dig deep.and stay focused.

I should.

Ok. Speak again.

breathe. take that. moment. then. bowl. for soup. line.

I wish I see beyond what ensnares me to appreciate this.
I wish I felt that tinge more b.ea.ut.iful again.
I wish i didn't become how I am. In pretty deep. How do I get out? Is there a way out of this?

I have no thoughts. no passion. no interest. What is in the craft that I like?
The stage in my life is almost past. I am but 24. But... does it make sense that I feel...like.. I have ran too much too hard through this. What next.

remind me what it means to live (free).
remind me what it means to show my soul and see how the interplay with others helps it bloom.
remind me what it means to not be on this island by myself. remind me what it means to be a friend, colleague, professional, student, daughter, girlfriend, sister.


give me a job. an interest. a prospect of what could be. Stay bright. Shine.

heal me.

as long we live, time passes by.

Decent.

They say

Be the master of your mind. Do not be mastered by your mind.

Probably really have to remember this.

Careful not to have ugly thoughts and hearts.  It shows. 

be the belle of the boulevard

I am at the point in my life where, all the years of work culminates to this.
I've worked for my class, for internships, for everything, and the real deal is
the employment opportunity, the value they put on me.

will I make meaningful contributions as part of the economic workforce/ society.
where should I take my next step... who will see something in me?

Do I genuinely have something to contribute? Or am I just gna be another person in society.
Just wna neatly (nicely) go through this phase and settle into the rhythm.
of work, contribution, colleagues, meaningful work, activities, social circle, nice meals, milestones(?), giving back.

To get into this virtuous tone of --> learning, being a professional in what I do, professionalism,
commitment, balance, fulfillment, satisfaction. To do what I find meaning in, to be at the places I'd like to, at the right time. I have thoughts bout it. Time to make them reality, can I.

 Its a jump to the next phase. I ask that I've considered what I needed.
At the same time, I ask that, I do not get into it to the extent that I've rid of joy.

Through growing up, I ask that I remember who I like myself to be. That I work on me as a person and not the superficial stuff. To remember life, to live, values. and not things that are temporal.


Stay cool, kris. Stay cool everybody.

Through it all, I've thought about it.

Thanks for holding me at every point and also at my weakest and loving me(for me)anyway. Love u.
Stay Cool. Ya're the Numero Uno.

love

Did I on my last paper decide that.. its ok.
I know there are certain things I am not good at.
give me 10 years to master and it may be the same thing.

so.. what am I good at? They say there are three types of people: The dreamers, doers and achievers.
To me, all three types of people need to come together because they complement each other. This is...
my take.

I just want to break down and breathe.
I am constantly searching, wanting more, tellling myself " once I reach this,  I will stop".
Will this ever end? When do I say 'enough is enough'. is it ever enough? Is doing so meaning I stop achieving excellence because I am saying.. its k?

Where are these routes leading us. Do I have to be careful about the influences.

How do I stay real? and true to myself. Can I stop the pretense the facade the act.
Is ''me" and my abilities enough.
abilities....

chapter V.


                           

gem.

kris. 3 more days to go.
Have you done what u need?
focus.  motivation.
live.

M.

is the person who cry the most or the person that cry the least the stronger one?
is the person who can face their emotions head on than ignore it the stronger one.

whatever the case.. it seems like I have to grow up. 24 years old.
Can I be allowed to still act like a child. stay forever young.
I don't wna be an adult.don't ever.

I wish for those simple, rich days.
..