Perspective balance

Probably this may not mean a thing. But

I think I owe it to myself to record the moments when my Dad gets angry, unreasonable angry. the times when he has no self-control and does the thing he likes at everybody's else expense. the times when my sleep isnt deep enough, the stress I have to go through mentally physically. that the family mom/bro and helper have to. the trips I did not get to go. the low/no liefness I feel/holidays skipped. feeling like his slave, that our lives revolves around him.

this is also to remember any resentment I feel. resentment that life has to come to a standstill, I cannot live as carefree because of the fear. because he chose to be irresponsible and chose the easy ways out (think steroid injection, etc etc.) sure it may not be the easiest but maybe the more convenient (lesss sacrificial..?) think spending thousands on powders. Recall the times he don't listen well, interrupts, speaks over, cuts ppl us. Recall the times he gets unreasonably angry and throws his temper. 

think the times he's in pain and said he just wna leave, sleep and not wake. think of the time where these may be a relieve to him. I need to see him as he is. not anymore saint-like or romanticised. because yes, there's still other parts to life to be explored. 

As a wise friend said, my time with him now is more precious than somebody else's time with their Dad. I feel it. Thanks friend.