Beauty in the breakdown.

Day 1. of facing this.

So. I think I have OCD. I am obsessed with numbers, and if the number is not what is ok for me, I do what I can to hit it. I cannot tolerate stepping on black dots on walking pavements. In Singapore, the footpath is not the most maintained, so clearly. I have issues even getting myself to the train station.

However. I am done with school now. So, I have time for me-time, some time where I be by myself and figure it out. I get that this is triggered only when I demand something of myself. So in a way, it is self-inflicted. I wish...I let myself know, I do not have to please everybody. 

Even if I know I am in a dark place right now, I would like to remind myself that this is something that can be overcame. I wish for times where I can just fully live and experience life and not deal with this. I miss..doing the simple things so casually. Will I ever get out of this? Will this stop.


So many people before me has experienced this. it is not just me. So.. Pay attention, figure it out, break the cycle. ok?


May writing it out help. I do what I can... This is a call out.


She fooled, all of her friends into thinking she's so strong
But she still sleeps with the light on
And she acts like it's alright on, as she smiles again

I reach out to you
And I'm losing all control now
And my hazard signs are all out. I'm asking you, to show me what this life is all about.