Back. But who reads this?

It's really hard for me to be honest with myself these days.
To show people how I really feel. I mask it up with silliness and being really shy/ quiet.
But. That's not who I am.
I get close to people too easily. Too easily that I scare myself.
That's why I put up a barrier. People who don't know me might think Imm this cold/shy person.
But. Deep down. I'd like to think I have much to give.
Much laughter to share with others.

Miss the old me who readily attempts and knows I have the ability to impact in a gd way.
Miss me who was selfless and not self - ish maybe.
Miss me who had people getting em' selves gd time chatting with me and readily chatting with me at that.
Miss me who knew what it meant to saveur life.
Irony is I miss me who lives for me- but miss me who is selfless
Blabbering

Nobody in TK would have associated me with the word shy.
Nobody now would associate me with being friendly.
The change. The inverse reverse total polar opposite.
No longer me cause I build up my walls Barriers and shells
No longer me cause I don't wna get scars.

Yet. If I'm living so timidly.
It isn't living.

No longer mixing with people who make me feel like me.
Imposing my bad feelings on gd friends who stood by me.
Like... They should not be getting that.

Where did my values go to.
My anchor.
Did it all came from The Lord?  Lord? But.
I no longer go to his holy place.
Can I still therefore be impacted?
Abba.