Sanity check

It was you and me against the world. 

And you promised forever more. 

Was it something that I said? 

Was it something that I did. 

That made me unbeautiful. 

Bout me/ bout us

Wish you cared. Ask me bout my likes/ dislike/ pet peeves/ what I cannot tolerate/ where my insecurity stems from/ what I would like to achieve.

But your focus is not here. So maybe someday you’ll see me and.. just me..? 

Someday. Sometime. We’ll know..

Hey there.

Almost do. 

This time of night you're still up
I bet You're tired from a long hard week
I bet You're sittin' in your chair by the window
Looking out at the city
And I bet Sometimes you wonder 'bout me

And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do
I almost do

Am expecting that we have the hard conversations, that we work towards certain common goals. That we align our values/ milestones. 

But conversations stay light. I dislike not seeing where I/ we’re reaching. So what then..? 

Dear Future Me..

More.

I’ve put you on a pedestal. Put you first. Because you didn't give me a sense of time, yet expect fast responses and penalise me otherwise (“replied too late”) , I’ve done that. 

Lose myself in loving him? Don’t. 

Love leashed.

Will also not accept lukewarm love.  

Hence, detach. 

Since communication won’t be a priority, we will either let misunderstanding fester, or love grow colder. This is self sabotaging. But maybe for the better. Who knows. But this is intentional. 

This includes not caring, allowing anything and everything else to grow. Because recall. Bringing this up led to a tiff. Hence, there is nothing more to say. 

Ok. See you. 

Keep it low

“Don’t expect”. Have learnt it. Don’t worry I won’t moving forward. Won’t expect to have casual conversations, to maintain communication. To envision life together. Will put them on hold. 

Will live my own life. Will stop attempting to fit you in first place. Will look away. Will focus on me. 

That two words are actually very liberating. Thank you. 

So many considerations, so many people I wanted to make happy.. wna live life on my terms. Not anybody else’s. Juggling the asks. Aint easy. Just wna get by. 

Am tired. Yet I can run a marathon. Am jaded. Yet feel like I could keep on going. Am bored. Yet I think I could continue to dig to find some interests. 

Strip away everything else. What do I want?  Wna go far away, see the world, create new experiences. 

Stop caring bout what others think. Be a lil braver. Live life my way. Sing a little louder, groove to the beat more. 

For the first time

"These times are hard. They are making us crazy, don't give up."

Figuring out how best to live my life.. What I wna achieve. 

Am I intentionally holding back in some areas, working hard on others?
Should I be intentional about how I spend my time. 

Go back to basics, don't think about flying before we can walk. but dream big they say.

would appreciate more guidance on this road I am on. 

Would like to look back and know that I led my life best I could, at this point.

so many thoughts pulling from so many directions.

need to learn to quieten them.

need to learn to build up resilience, mindfulness, cultivate worthy habits.

differentiate from distractions, small things that should not matter. rid of meaningless tiresome actions.

focus on doing better in the field I am in.

Do I want to? What do I wna reach? What do I intend to pursue?

Where do we go from here..

give me clarity/direction. 

is this what happens at the 2 year mark?

could I live life more inhabited? could I live it more freely?
but does that mean being less considerate? less thoughtful bout what others might think/feel/perceive.

buttt. not now then when.

askin for bravery. to know myself, strengths and weaknesses without embellishments, with more honesty. to achieve faster growth.. what's next? where should I go from here.

Do I leave? or stay and grow till the end.

do I uphold/ espouse these values, or go back to past ways.

this is changing me do I like this change? Should I allow it/embrace it?

Is this what it means to grow professionally? Suppose this is part of adulting?
When would I fully embrace it. I should.

would love to go to ''the script'' concert... wna live more a bit more.. can we go back to a time where travelling was... easier? please help me see and live right.

between choosing the easier path, or the harder path which is right. May I choose the latter. May I choose right.

ok. let's live..