Effervescence// Or Not.

Made me realize how fragile life is.

When I was in pain the other day, I thought to myself, wait. I am but in my twenties.

Assuming a normal life span, I would have decades more to go-- and it feels so long...

With the current spade of suicide cases, it made me wonder... how fragile this all is.

Some people are fighting for a higher rank in the corporate ladder

some people are fighting for fame and glory.

Others.. some- they are just fighting to save their lives and sanity.

We all have different lives to live. I guess it is important to keep ourselves in check. It is important to aim high, but we cannot forget to live , should not let life pass us by. We cannot forget to be playful and have fun once in awhile. We cannot allow ourselves to just be passerbys in everybody's life and not reach out to impact or touch anybody. We should live significantly such that at the very least, in our presence here we have helped somebody, provided warmth to somebody, brightened up the hearts of somebody. 

We seem to forget that perhaps that is the meaning of our existence to help everybody else here get by.

So note to self: While chasing, do not forget to stop and smell the flowers, do not forget to admire the scenery, do not let life pass you by as you have done for so many years. Do not, at an older age, ask why our younger self did not live, breathe and appreciate a little more.

Find beauty. Find beauty in the breakdown. Find beauty in the regeneration.

//

RIP Clay Adler, I liked you. 

Kaleidoscope

Updates of my life:

Intern life is about to come to an end. Glad I have been pulling through thus far. Wish I could be excellent and outstanding but I guess as long as I am passably competent that's good too.

Wish I can grow into somebody who speaks well, conveys articulately, got it going, someone who keeps looking forward because she constantly aims to get something- to have rewards to keep me going.

we cannot digress. cannot back-paddle. cannot think that status quo is fine. Because status quo is= falling behind.

keep aiming higher. keep setting the bar higher. that's only all we got. But don't forget to live a little, breath.

Saw this quote in the office " I aspire to live a life I do not have to take a holiday from''.
If lived out, it must come from somebody who enjoys work daily, who found a job that is at the optimum stage where her ability matches the job expectations, where she is not challenged too much but enough to keep her passionate about her job. At least, that's what I think.

Then again, should we let our perceived ability define us. Being thrown into a demanding situation allows us to grow further, stretch more beyond what we think possible. Maybe this is a better situation to be in.

Heck it, a mixture of both with more of the first situation interspersed with the second situation once in awhile- maybe that's best. (to me)

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When I am asked to think of happy things I think, open fields, green yellow golden grass, riding horses. Maybe this is largely due to the fact that my favorite movie when I was younger was 'Spirit- Stallion of the Cimarron.' It taught me courage, bravery, strength, belief. I love horses though I have not actually interacted with one before.

Nights like this, I wish I was more productive. I hate not getting something out of my time. Its both good and bad to think like that. Bad in a way that I never really fully relax. Thus, a getaway would be good (on the back of things well settled).

How much do I have left within me?  Have I exhausted ma might, or has it only just begun, Keep going Kris. Aim higher, because you would wonder why you only aimed for this much when it could be that much more.

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Every now and then, I will think of the road trips I took in the states. It probably is one of the golden moments of my life. Seeing the world, experiencing culture, meeting people and learning about their traits, living their way of life, eating their kind of staple food, we feel rich. Rich in the knowledge of the world, realizing how much more there is than my way of life. My way of life is but just one way of life.

I would like to explore so much more of this world, take dips in clear blue water, chill on sandy beaches, taste my favorite food from their country of origin. But now, there is the hustle.


I have to quantify that, having him back, this event, that feeling I would like to immortalize.


23.

Time to read more books, expand my literary knowledge
Time to grow a bit more again.
Time to continue on with this thing we call: Life.


Be good. Be great. Be generous. Be fruitful. Be meaningful. Be worth it. Life.

//.